Updated: Jan 19, 2021
What’s up blog fam, how’s everyone? I’m so happy you’re here. Once again, we got some tea to get into. This blog post is a little similar to the post I made about a few weeks about why we fail at relationships but it’s not quite the same. This blog post is more about why us women especially choose the wrong partner. Let me just say, personally, I’m ready to get into this topic. I’m so tired of seeing so many sisters settle, make bad decisions, and damage themselves and their heart by being in unhealthy dating relationships. I’m no expert but I have a little wisdom so I’m definitely excited to share with you all about this topic. So let's get into it:
1. You keep choosing a man you think you can fix.
9 times out of 10, you won’t be able to change or fix a man. First of all, that's not even the purpose of dating someone. Changes come from within, not from a changing girlfriend or partner. You don’t date someone to “fix” them, you date someone you want to grow with.
Be aware that you attract what you allow and you attract what you give off. For example, if you are rude and carry yourself loosely you are going to attract that same trait in a partner. If you are classy and self-respecting and if you allow people to approach you with grace and regard, you will attract a man with those same qualities and traits.
2. You're simply settling for potential.
Don’t date potential, date reality. When you commit yourself to an IDEA of what you THINK someone can become (not what’s staring you in the face), you have already fumbled the bag. Potential doesn’t mean relationship and a lot of women have wasted time with people because they don’t understand the distinction between the two.
3. You haven't done or finished your inner work.
By inner work you already know what I mean. Figuring out what works for you and what doesn’t, working on your negative traits, healing from past relationships, and overall building yourself into a desirable, respectable woman. If you don’t have you together, you will date as your “wounded” self (a version of you that is not fully ready to be in a relationship) and that may cause you to choose the wrong partner.
4. Childhood experiences.
Maybe as a child growing up you never saw an example of a good relationship. As we learn, grow, get older, and mature, we are responsible for our own choices and well-being. It is our responsibility to want better for ourselves. We must unlearn unhealthy behaviors and stop normalizing dysfunction. It is our job to break the generational curses of failed and unhealthy relationships.
5. You don’t have any boundaries.
Now sis, you already know what I’m about to say and if you don’t let me tell you. If you don’t have any boundaries you are setting yourself up. You are literally playing yourself if you don’t set the tone for appropriate boundaries and if you don’t discuss your expectations. Men will take advantage of you and prey on the boundaries you don’t set. It is our job as women to figure out where we draw the line and to set the boundaries in the beginning so that the guy can meet our standard, expectations, and respect our boundaries, and if he doesn’t… he simply must GO!
6. You aren’t comfortable being alone.
Do not let loneliness make you settle for a partner that isn’t right for you. Don’t you dare do it. I rebuke that blinding and deceiving spirit of loneliness right now. I’ve seen it happen before over and over and over on TV, movies, and in real life. Women will literally be so uncomfortable being single they jump into relationships with just anyone because they don’t want to be alone. That is not okay. You deserve better than that. Elisabeth J. LaMotte, a couples psychotherapist and founder of the DC Counseling and Psychotherapy Center said, “When you feel anxious or afraid to be alone, you usually haven't developed a strong enough sense of self. That can lead you to choose romantic partners from a place of desperation rather than a place of strength."Know your worth and don’t settle. God’s timing is the best timing.
7. You aren’t being led by God.
I used to hear a lot of people say “Just when I thought I found the one, I realized God just sent that person for character development”. Let’s clarify that right now, if we paid attention to the red flags in the beginning, stopped ignoring God’s subtle hints, and actually listened for his instructions, we would prevent our hearts from being damaged. God doesn’t send you bad relationships for your “character development”. You choose to exclude or ignore Him, which results in heartbreak that could’ve been avoidable. Like I said earlier, God’s timing is the best timing. Trust him sis! He knows way better than we do, I promise!